‘There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.’ Anais Nin.
Off you went today, into the real world to flourish. I want to shout ‘slow down baby boy! slow down!’ but I don’t and I won’t because you’re not a baby. You’re a little boy, ready for that bit of independence, following in your brothers footsteps, brightening up everyone’s day with your wave and smile – showing people – anybody – from the postman, to the elderly man at the bus stop, to the teenage boy on his bike that you see them, that you recognise them and that each and everyone of them is important to you. I need to share you with the world, it is right for you and it is right for me . So I’m fighting the urge to keep you home, nestled in the safety of these walls.
My little but big boy – I remember the days after you were born, as if it were yesterday and yet it feels a million miles away. So clearly rocking you in the darkness of our hospital room – repeating to myself ‘everything will be ok’ and the funny thing is, it is ok, it really is. I only wish I’d blinking known how lucky we were then, four and three quarter years ago. It only feels like yesterday that we packed up from hospital with you and came home to a special party and now I’m thinking of packed lunches for you. Time is both our most amazing gift and our biggest adversary .. but I don’t think I’d have things any other way.
Last night, I lay next to you as you went to sleep, feeling your warm breath on my cheek, counting your splattering of freckles, relishing in the charms of the present but also hoping beyond hope that we have got this whole school thing as right as possible for you. Sometimes the incredible sense of awe and responsibility that only exists when caring for a little person is overwhelming. You have gone to the same school as your brothers and I am hopeful and grateful to all the professionals involved in your care. You will learn so much from your peers but equally I strongly believe that they will learn a lot from you. And Harry, your biggest fan and strongest supporter, is so proud to have you at school with him. In fact all your brothers are. If Ollie and Jamie could have been there to walk you in they would have and Sam made it his personal mission to get the right one to one for you, whilst he was on the school council. Inclusion at its best makes this world a better, more tolerant and compassionate place for all.
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Thank you Archie, for being my biggest inspiration. You teach us all to live in the moment, to celebrate the smallest of achievements. Your laughter and happiness is contagious and your determination infectious. You make me push harder and remind me to believe and keep going. As you take your next steps, turning finally, unstoppably, into a big kid, my heart is so, so, so full it’s bursting with pride – Keep on pushing forward, challenging yourself and creating your own happiness so you can be the best that you can be. We know that you have so much to give.
Archie we will always be your biggest cheerleaders to secure a happy and fulfilling life for you but you are also blessed with a huge crew of family, friends and professionals who adore you and together we will all teach you to soar and you will!
…and I picked you up today at 12.30. We hugged and you put you soft, tiny hand in mine and we skipped up the road and you answered ‘Yes’ to all my questions and then I put you into the car and got into the driver seat and turned around to check you were ok and you just smiled and laughed…no words…but I knew that you were very happy.
Maybe we could all learn from Archie .. smile more …talk less. Well done Archie! You did it! One morning at a time. It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok and I’m beginning to mean it.
